and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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