She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
