if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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