So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i drank out of a bidet.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
