its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
