Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
