I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize