in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
