I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
