I'm going to jail i love you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
