Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
