just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
