You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
