Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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