She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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