We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Randomize
