it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
