So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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