Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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