You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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