I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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