I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
