Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
