Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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