i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
