She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
my poor anus
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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