im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
