in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
