I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
