I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
