I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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