Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
