I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
