I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
