mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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