I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
