just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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