He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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