She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
