"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
love makes seman taste better
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
