When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
