FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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