i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
