It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
there is glitter all over my balls
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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