I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
