Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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