That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
