dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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