HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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