Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
