make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
