Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
