i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
