i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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