Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
