I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
