I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
