Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
