You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
