you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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