Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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