guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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