Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
