goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
